I have a friend of mines who I hang out with from time to time. He is much younger than I am as he is in his early 20s and I am in my early 30s. Clearly we have our differences as a lot of the stuff he gets into, I have pretty much grown out of. He likes to go to the clubs every other day while I tend to like to engage more intimate activities.
There is one thing bothers me about him….
He is VERY promiscuous and all of his buddies are as well. It's nothing for me to be told that he fucked this friend who fucked this friend who he fucked last week. They all been with each other and then some. The worse part is he was recently diagnosed with HIV late last year. I didn't find out about until he revealed it to me while I was lecturing him about the dangers of sleeping with different dudes and not using condoms. Although, I was bothered by the news, I wasn't surprise.
Even with this diagnosis, he is still out there with it. His friends are no better. He is well known for his music but what is sad is he is known more for gettin' around than his music. I remember I google his name and there was this forum post about him being a common hoe and everybody had him. I never told him about this because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
At first, I thought it was just a generation thing. I had my fair share of sex romps in my 20s but even when I was out there, I was very selective of my partners and I probably bareback once outside of a relationship, which I still cringe about to this day.The one time I got an STD, I was in a relationship and he cheated.
I notice that age is nothing but a number in this situation because I see guys in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older still living like they are invincible in their 20s. They are positive but still having sex without a condom with strangers. Many whom they say they are "dating" at the moment or just buddies.
Sex is great and all. I get you have to sow your wild oats before you decide to settle (if you choose to settle down), but when is there a limit with these men? I get that bareback sex is probably better. Hell I enjoy it but why would you fuck raw with random men whom you don't even know his last name?
These days you can't go around fuckin any man, who winks at you. Ain't no dick or ass (or pussy) is worth your life and health. Living with HIV is not glamorous. Sure the meds are keeping you around longer but only if you are being responsible and not reckless sleeping with Tom, Dick, Harry & Tyrone who all have different strains of HIV.
I have a Facebook friend, who post obituary announcements on his feeds every other day of some young gay man's death. Most times they are only in their early 20s or 30s. I asked him one day about it. I asked him why are all of these beautiful young black men dying so young. He told me that most of the time, they had HIV or full blown AIDS and often died from complications of it. I had to unfriend him because it made me very depress to see these announcements on my feed, knowing that there is a possibility that my friend could be one of those men one day.
We talk about settling down and he really wants that for himself. I tend to shake my head at times because I fear that he will never experience that. Not because he have HIV but the fact that he has a reputation.
NO man of standards is going to be with someone, who has been with everyone. When you sleep with someone, you also sleeping with everyone they been with.
Even with casting models for Luckey's Boyz, almost every potential model that I have talked to is HIV positive and not even 25 yet.
I am not trying to come from a place of judgement but a place of understanding. I really want to understand it. Is it lack of self esteem? Is it wanting to be validated? Is it YOLO (you only live once so fuck it)? Is it lack of role models?
I am just trying to understand it. I know that I probably can't "save" my friend but I do want to understand him and many like him. What's really going on.