Dear Luckey…Why Are Gay Men So Pretentious?!
I love your blog. I do have a question for you. I live in Atlanta and I tend to run into a lot of gay men, who are extremely superficial and narcissistic. If you aren't the pretty boy with the washboard abs and wearing the latest fashions, they're not trying to give you the time of day! It's nothing to see a queen driving a 2014 luxury car but can barely pay his way into the club. He can barely keep gas in the damn car…LOL. I have a friend who lives in Duluth but can barely cover his rent because he works as an assistant manager at a fast food restaurant. I find it to be pretentious and a total turn off. I think you mentioned a while back that you are from ATL. Do you run into these kind of men? Is being pretentious the new black?!
Thanks for the love and submitting your letter. I want to clear it up for th overall mass. I don't think all gay men are pretentious or superficial. You have a lot of people here in Atlanta"keeping up with the Jones's" All you have to do is tune in your to your favorite reality show (Housewives Of Atlanta, Married To Medicine, Love & Hip Hop Atlanta etc). Of course this is not just in ATL but because we are considered "BLACK Hollyweird", you tend to see these types of behaviors more often. If you pay close attention, you can spot the "fake" ones from the legit.
But there is some truth to what you speak of….
To understand a pretentious queen, you must understand his background. Most of the time, when you meet a pretentious queen, he is almost never from here. In most cases, he is from some backwoods town in some other state. He moved here for "a better life"…a change of scenery if you will. The excuse is always for a "change of pace" or "a better life". Most of the time, they have that "champagne taste, malt liquor money" mentality. Even though they work at minimum wage jobs, it's nothing for them to want to live in the most expensive areas, driving the most expensive cars, eating at five star resturants and wearing top of the line designer clothes hence why they can never pay their rent or even afford a drink at the bar.
And then you have your stunt queens. The boys (and girls), who make "a living" stunting off other's misfortunes. They steal credit card numbers, social security numbers, and anything of value to cash in and keep up with their lifestyle. BEWARE of those types. They don't mind spend a few in prison only to come out and do it all over again. It's a career for them and they don't care who they are hurting.
The truth is, that many gay men have such profoundly damaged self-esteem for being gay in today's and yesterday's America. ESPECIALLY if you are BLACK and Gay.
Some compensate this damaged self-esteem with narcissistic behavior, acting as if they're better than everybody else, or "entitled" to things because "they're special."
Others portray this imaginary bitch in efforts of commanding respect and authority.
It's nothing to see a queen bragging about what he got and who he has been. Taking pics of materialistic shit and posting it on Instagram. Every week they are in a different city. They poppin' bottles in the club. That's just the surface…#superficial. In most cases, they living in apartments with five other queens with little to no furniture. Nothing to mention, none of them have jobs and the rent is never paid on time if paid at all. Everything is smoke and mirrors. Believe nothing of what you see..
It is an annoying coping mechanism for some gay men who don't have poor self-esteem, they have DAMAGED self-esteem.
That's how destructive homophobia can be subliminally and unconsciously.
This is not just in ATLANTA. You will meet men [people] like I describe in every major city with a heavy gay influence (D.C., San Franscisco, L.A., Chicago, New York).
It's not your problem and you should never make it your problem. Be blessed that you are not living that type of life or cursed with that type of mentality. It's stressful and it's unfortunate. It's important to have a balance life OUTSIDE of the "gay" community. You will have hard times and not everyone wants to be "rich and famous". With more fame and money, comes more problems.
Of course you can never say this outloud with a pretentious queen around..