Ask Luckey: How To Tell Your Friend About His Jealous & Possessive Partner…

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Dear Luckey,

Does it make you a bad friend/jealous friend if you express concern to a friend about their relationship, if they are with someone who is possessive, controlling, and jealous?

M.A.

 

Dear M.A.

It really depends on the situation. Is your friend telling you about his issues with his partner? How long have y’all been friends? Do you witness his partner jealous and possessive ways first hand? Is he abusive? Does he keep your friend isolated from his friends and family?

I don’t think you are jealous or a bad friend at all. You simply care about this person and you don’t want him to get hurt. You wouldn’t be writing this letter to me…

It’s tough watching a friend you care about go through an abusive relationship. It can also be frustrating because even when you are coming from a loving place, your friend can look at you as being jealous or nosey for butting into their business. You may feel like standing up for your friend or talking him into breaking up the relationship but sometimes that can be a disaster. You can’t “make” your friend or family member break free. To do so might put both of you at risk.

You can express how you feel as his friend in a loving non-judgemental way. Ask if you can help him if you are able to but don’t force your help on him. Don’t tell him what to do or what you would do. Listen to them and try not to give too much-unsolicited advice. Allow them to express their feelings without criticising them. Be very careful of what advice you do give and above all else be there for your friend if needed. Getting away from an abusive relationship takes time and REAL friends will hang in there if they can. Don’t tell them the “I Told you so” stories either. Let them learn on their own.

They are going to need a safe haven when they wake up..just make sure you and his other friends are there for him.

Luckey

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